Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Tom Ford Does London

Been depressed lately? Something missing in your life? Thought so:

Every once in a while I think about how sad it is I'm not updating you guys more regularly with my life that's so much more exciting than your normal life. jk.sorta.

Alas, I have some good updates for you:

1) No more than one day passed after I finished my GRE (done baby!) that I was on a flight to London to meet up with Trung and party hardy. Actually, I went to London twice in 2 weeks.

2)Trung was going straight picture-silly with that profesh camera he's got going on. Luckily he had a model there to use for some of his shots.
Trung's Camera is insane. This is a real picture he took of me laying on a wall next to a street lamp.

two handsome devils in front of the London eye. Look at Trung's hiar part.

3) Since I didnt drink for 6 weeks, I became just a little bit of a bitch with my tolerance. The result is I have some silly stories. Only about 45 minutes passed before I was antagonizing this gay guy that was hitting on me - I dont really know why but I was jokingly hitting on him. Then apparently he tried to lick me.
I was not aware of this.

And I seriously dont know what the hell it is about men and touching me, but this old guy starts lifting up my shirt and everything in the middle of the bar. His wife and daughter were right there too! Shame on that man. So I kissed his wife and told his daughter to take a picture.
wife of touchy drunk man

I dont even know who these people are.

look. at. that. beard. and trung mackin on some italian chick

Trung and I came back and it was Thanksgiving. We had a party at my place.

Aside from my travels,

Work at the military base has been downright hilarious. What I am endlessly thankful for is the jokebags I work with. Im telling you, this stellar collection of individuals is worth a mention. Especially the tall black man I refer to as Caveman, who has no teeth and talks to me all the time.

I just laugh and laugh and laugh. Im not sure if he's telling any jokes, but I think he appreciates it.

Theres this other man Jeremiah who ONLY wears 3 things; a Green Lantern jersey, a Superman jersey, and a Punisher jersey. Yes, jerseys. All complete with matching belts. He tells me I look like I superhero every day. In fact, he calls me Thor to my face. He doesn't even know my real name.

Sol is a sweet old Filipino woman Im in love with. She is about 50 or 60 and awesome. I hit on her all day and in return she brings me in food.

Then I get seriously hit on by some army wife who's husband is in Afghanistan non-stop. I try not to dabble in that yard. When she fb friends me when I come back to the states Im gonna have to delete this so she doesnt see it.

Heres one more random pic taken in London of the pretty christmas lights, that has nothing to do with work.

 Im going to London tomorrow for a coldplay concert. So I will surely have a good update next time too

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Awesome developments and traveling in Europe

My decision to stay here was a good call. Kinda like Mike Vick giving up murdering dogs.
Kinda like Jordan not giving up on basketball even after he was cut from the team in high school.
Kinda like our boys finally murdering Osama Bin-a-little-bitch- Laden.

Check out all these changes going on:

1/2 )I went to a professional soccer game in Germany. Kaiserslautern vs some team.
Check off the list yelling random chants I dont know in the EU
                      This is my video I took from my iphone of the game. It was insane loud. Folks were going crazy straight up spittin' out Germany phrases that probably didn't mean anything and who were more drunk than even I usually am at a sporting event I care about.

1) I chose what grad schools I'm applying for, when Im taking the GRE (on Nov 18), and... well, and that I am starting to go hard studying. Call me Nerdman Ford from here out folks - I'm strapping on my thinking cap and going to work.

2)I got a job! Particularly significant is that now I can stay in Europe for more than 90 days (for the year, actually). Its as an overnight warehouse stocking position or something like that - guaranteed to encounter creepy people that I work with, resulting in unimaginable debacles I will soon find myself in. I start on the 12th! I'm pumped, son.

3) Trung bought his ticket  to come over here, and he will arrive the night I get done the GRE, so it'll be party time and we're heading to Spain, Portugal, and Croatia.

4) I just traveled to Strasbourg, France a few days ago. I had my first CouchSurfing experience. (If you dont know what that is - you basically stay at someones place for free that you dont know, and prearrange it through a site online).

Better yet, when we met him - he walked up smoking what looked like a joint, dressed in rags, and I knew it would yet again be a fantastic trip and BETTER YET, he had a party for us to go to that night - a couchsurfing party!

thing I love about Europe: so much outdoor seating in beautiful cities
the "ill" river, which runs around the city

a dashing shot of me, not realizing a photo is being taken, in front of the tower we climbed the next day
Call me an artist, because this is a damn beautiful photo.

So we went to the party and met a bunch of people from all over the world - there were 50 people there, about 25 from France and 25 from all over the world, and I have some funny pictures. The common language was English, and most spoke French. We brought so much beer - everyone did.  It was like the Oktoberfest of France.

Funny situation:

So I was working the room, and was all tuckered out by the end of the night. I had a really funny situation with this girl that I didnt realize she thought we were flirting (which I have no idea how because it was like 3 am and I was nearly sleeping while talking to her). You know how french girls give 2 kisses on the opposite sides of the cheek when they said hi and bye? ...wellll....

When I went to say bye, I went to give her a kiss on the cheek, and she thought that I was trying to kiss her on the lips (I guess?), so I think she kissed me on like...I dont know - it wasn't my lips - buttt, it was an awkward place that wasnt my cheek either, nor really my lips - I don't know. It was noticeably weird - for some reason everyone was watching.

THEN I thought it might have been a fluke (plus I was half-drunk so didnt register immediately), so I go to give her a kiss on the other side, and she nearly lunged for my face to kiss me. I feel a little bit bad, because all their names were so hard I can't even remember which one she was. Or where she was from. But I think it was like... Greece, or something. It might have been Turkey.

my first cigarette i rolled

me, pre-smoking with all of the europeans

the host of the party. a sure goon

Am I the only one that sees that outstanding uni-brow that guy is working?

Then the next day we climbed to the top of a church

Now Im just studying me arse off!

Here's to the good times! Slanche!!

Saturday, September 24, 2011


Wow, I have 10 more months here in Germany, and I can't really believe I've been here only one month - I've been challenged so much, learned so much about myself, and where my life is going.
Two days ago, my flight was supposed to leave back to the U.S. That all changed about a week in, when I asked my mom "hey mom, um, why am I going back to the U.S.?" Her answer was, "I don't know, honey." Thus, the course of my future changed.

To be honest its been really difficult, but I knew the decision was right to stay when I got some advice from two close friends of mine, Pranshu Verma and Adam Dombrowski, respectively;

I trust you'll have a blast and learn a shit ton about yourself during the process. I can only imagine how useful this period of limbo is going to help inspire your career path forward. Rarely do we ever get time to reflect upon ourselves and as a result, we end up living life day by day, hoping to one day approach a state of clarity which most often we never give a chance to arrive. But it's experiences like the one's you and nithin are having that force you to push your comfort zones, doubt yourselves, and make you feel just generally all around uncomfortable that can help solidify how you want to approach your life - something most people can't say they've ever gotten a chance to do. So cheers to your random walk through Europe and I can only imagine the success that lies ahead for you!
I can only imagine how the experiences that you, and Nithin, are both having right now. I mean I feel like these are mind-, spirit-, and heart-opening experiences we're talking about here...
I couldn't have put it any better - so I wont.

All of these stories are told
in full in prior blog posts, but


The day I arrived, after not sleeping on the red eye-ish flight, me and a few friends my mom introduced me to, who are my age, went clubbing, and didnt leave til 6 am. I got pretty doski'd, but was dancing it off as usual. And I hit it off and picked up a very cute German girl whom I could not converse a word of English with.


I went to Amsterdam a few days later and loved it. Its like Venice with all its canals. On my first night out, I decided to befriend as many hookers as I could in the red light district. It was tough not to accept their luring for sex, and they were damn sexy, but I decided it'd be more fun just to joke with them. So I did that with a few of them - but it did not end up well when one of them I thought was a girl turned out to be a man, and who grabbed my package and told me to come inside for more. My goodness.

The next day we rode bikes. and went to the Anne Frank house, which was quite profound. I am still impacted by her quote "I long to ride a bike, dance, whistle, and know that I am free." She never had the chance to. It makes me appreciate my life.
Then we drove home from The Netherlands, thru Belgium and Luxemberg, back home in Germany. It was on this drive I decided to stay in Europe.

Female Body-Building competition:

We drove 2 hours to go to this competition that we knew two girls that were in it. I befriended the bouncer, "Slash" I think his name was, and he offered for me to get in free if I rubbed down one of the girls with lotion. I said yes, but I was tricked somehow. I still got in free - but never ended up hooking up with any of the jacked women. Goal failed.

The best castle in the world, and Munich:

It's called Neuschwanstein. Its baller. Its in the Swiss Alps essentially, and it was the most gorgeous thing ever among all the trees of the mountain and the lakes around it. While a bit outside of munich, it made for a nice day. In Munich, we toured the BMW plant, the olympic stadium, and had a jolly day walking around.

The Cruise around the Mediterranean:

Oh, it was beautiful. I love open waters and being on boats. It was a Royal Caribbean cruise. We drive down to Italy, and it was gorgeous - through Switzerland and the Alps, and into Italy to Genoa. From there, the boat sailed to France, Corsica, and Barcelona, Spain - which was by far my favorite. I hooked up with an italian girl, a check off the list, and won the World's Sexiest Man Competition, as judged by hundreds of people out on the deck that day. Overall, I danced every night, knew the whole boat by the end, learned to relax and enjoy where I'm at, and met a lot of great people- from Germany, Italy, and South Africa mostly.

September 11:

At first I wished I was back home in the U.S. to be at all the candlelight vigils and such. Then I realized I had a more unique opportunity than anybody else - I could experience it with soldiers all around me, at a U.S. military base abroad. It was amazing, and at church that sunday, on Sept 11, it was very touching, overall.

Feeling uncomfortable, and doubting:

I can not underscore how difficult this trip has been. I have had so many ups and downs - from amazing vacations and places Ive seen to the feeling of not knowing where my life is going or what step to take next, and generally feeling like I'm spinning my wheels. I learned that the things I love are when I accomplish something, and I in fact struggle very much and am often times very upset and frustrated while getting there - while learning languages, traveling, and learning new cultures first-hand by being there.


I drank five to six liters of beer, got wayyy more drunk than anyone else in my group, went with a crazy group of people you could only imagine in a movie (but it was real). It was like a giant carnival, with drunkards everywhere. Amazing time. By the end of the night I was soaked to the bone, my pants were ripped, literally, and falling off, I stole a liter-beer mug to take on the tram home with me, got laughed at and laughed along, stumbled into the hotel in front of many Muslims who didn't think it was funny. To which my reply was "As-salamu Alaikum"(peace be with you).

A New Life: 

Two days ago was the day I was supposed to come home to the U.S. Since then, it finally feels like I'm really staying - no more second guessing. I question myself as to whether it was the right decision. I'm leaving a lot home - most of my family, my friends, and a girl I care about very much. All while I am in search of myself and figuring out where I am going with a new direction in life. Its exhilarating, challenging, and a whole lot of uncomfortable fun, if thats a possible combination.

But its my life - and Ill be damned if I have to sit on the sidelines. Im gonna go out there, and choose to live life, dance through it all, and have the best time I can - and soak it in.

---- I have included pictures of all of these events in my previous posts; fully documented, very funny, and my thoughts as they happened, as well as my many struggles getting used to this new place I call home for this year. I will be here til June. Many places left to go visit, many people to meet, many experiences to have, many upset times, many young ladies to meet anew, and many opportunities I will have. Here's to the new life ahead ----

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Pandemonium at Oktoberfest part Deuce

As we arrived at Oktoberfest, after stuffing myself with a donor-kabob for breakfast, I knew it was going to be an awesome day. The smell of beer when we walked in was exhilarating - beer everywhere. If beer was wine then JESUS HIMSELF would not even know what to do with himself. Almost every person was dressed up, youll see what I mean in the pictures.

We walk throughout the place, it was massive - like a giant carnival. There are like 15 huge tents - the size of half a football field, all packed to the brim with people getting beer and food. mostly beer, por su puesto. Top Spot Tom was in full form - out of the thousands of people I straight up pulled an Ace out of my back pocket and landed us an up-front seat at a table so we could get served.

                                                                      Our first set of brews

                                                               With new friends I met

I got plastered quick.

They serve brews in 1 liter mugs. I was that guy in our group who got tanked when everyone else was sober. The woman that was divorced 5 times was staying sober - but somehow made out with someone when even I didnt that day (what are the odds?).  The other 2 guys I were with said theyd get drunk, but I was the only one who manned up and actually did it.

The woman: We sat next to the first woman that gave me hope in life for my future wife -you see, I often wonder how much its gonna suck if your wife gets ugly. (I think I only date girls seriously if their mom is good looking. you know - good genes for the future) jk. But there was this woman who I wish I could have talked to (she didnt "shpreken ze engleesh," damnit) or else I would have told her (due to Beer Mouth) that she had the best rack Ive ever seen for a 35/40 year old. Heres what I mean:

Read above for why I posted this, 
all of you men who just skipped to the boobies pictures

I met a lot of people, ran into a friend randomly, and had a drunken hell of a time. Best was the ending. The liederhosen (the things the guys wear that are like the pants-ish things with suspenders-ish things.) Well, I bought the cheap shit - so mine broke and came un-done.

 me and girl I dont recall wearing the traditional clothes

Story told short - I was doski'd by time 10pm rolled around and it started pouring. I stole a 1 liter mug of brew (in picture below) in one of their nice mugs, used a friend as a decoy to get the police off my back(true) , and booked it. Pants falling down (no more buttons on them, flap on front where crotch is falling down) then got soaked to the bone...

            However, I did manage to get one picture as it started raining of me and my brew I took

I lost all of my friends, and took the subway home, everyone thought it was hilarious bc i was soaked and carrying a stolen 1 liter beer mug filled with brew with barely any pants on. literally it was embarrassing. people were seriously laughing.

I got lost when I got off and drunkenly felt lonely, then my super drunk senses kicked in and I found my way back to the hotel alone - stumbled in, and...


I walk in to the hotel, pants nearly half off trying to hold them up, crotch and boxers exposed cuz of the unbuttoned flap, stumbling drunk while still holding my brew mug with some left, wobbling. There was a group of Muslims there, and you should have seen the look on their faces right in front of me.

They were floored that such a wretched man had just walked in...

Mouth agape...

Eyes wider than that bitch of a center that played for North Carolina a few years back... (tyler hansboro)

Apalled at the site of me.

I stood, swaying in front of them, beer in hand and sopping wet, and said....


As-Salaimu Alaikum..." (a greeting of peace to muslims, which i wholeheartedly meant).

The womans jaw dropped even further and she mouthed to me...

"wa... wa alaikum as salam" (the return phrase of peace and greeting)

but Im sure she meant to say "my God... he is going to hell."

If you could please possibly imagine that scene in your mind right now, it was greatly hilarious. Even at the moment.

I dont feel bad about it. Im pretty damn sure that was impressive as all hell to be able to whip out that phrase, out of honest respect, at that state I was in.

Heres another boobies pictures. Its embarrassing how many picture I took of her. she knew i was doing it. oh jeez.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

"Pop That Pussy" at Oktoberfest. Part I.

(First of all, I am sorry for my language. The first half of that title sounds repulsive, but it's such a funny part of the story that I had to include it in the heading.)

Well guys, everyone does some things they are not proud of.

However, this is not one of those time.

I will start with the end of my story. Then I will go back to the beginning and laugh my way through the glorious day:

It's at the end of the long stumbling day at Oktoberfest; after five liters of beer had been put into my system, after I was berated for not accepting to snort drugs, after my tomfoolery walking into the hotel with pants undone and half on - ripped to bits, and finally after a drunken skype session in the lounge of the hotel where I accidentally told my friend I drank five gallons of beer instead of five liters. Minor detail I fuddled.

And so concluded my Oktoberfest drunken stuper. Lets now rewind:

It was 12 noon the day before, and you would not believe the clan of people who arrived to pick me up. Let me initiate you to these fine specimens. I literally could not have chosen a more pristine cast of people to dabble with in my first Oktoberfest misadventures:

1. A 50 year-old man with a large blue flaming skull tattoo clearly visible, who's bro clobbered that man with a crowbar and sister was stabbed 14 times and lived. Served in the military for 25 years. Remember him from a previous story? He was the driver.

2. A 40 year old woman in the backseat w/ me, utterly hilarious, and on her 5th marriage and who bet that by time we got home from the weekend she was gonna need to look for number six. She was a hoot. And my roommate.

3. Last and least, was a normal guy in his 30s with a wife and kids. Pretty boring comparatively. However, he quoted many lines from Dumb and Dumber and Anchorman. So, he was funny and made a good friend.

4. And me.

Get this:

When I first get in the car, I thought it was going to be a normal ride. We rode comfortably down the road for 15 minutes with fun and vibrant conversation, and lots of laughing. This is what happened:

We stop at a gas station to fill up (whats up with me and gas stations, historically?). Man number 1, the driver, asks if we want music. I say yes. Man number 1 turns to full capacity a $2700 speaker system he had installed into his jeep recently. He blasts - at full volume while doors ajar - none other than "Pussy Poppin" by ____. No idea, and I dont want to know by who. I never even knew that song existed. I was nearly sickened by the likes of it and enamored by the sheer humor of such an event that had unfolded before my eyes. Better yet...

I was in shock until I realize... wait a second...What is that sound? What could that be? Is he...
That would be Man number 1- no holds-barred - rapping to the lyrics of "Poppin' Pussy." He was WHAT?
Yes indeed. I scooted over to get a better look. Straight up spittin' 40 bars like he was born to murder.

Upon man number 3 entering car, and woman number 2 who joins in the sing-a-long that had started, it almost seemed normal. I did not join along. As I peered from back seat to front seat area, man number three is like, "Is this playlist really called My Fav Rap!?" Hahaha... yes my good sir - it was.

Proceeding were as many more songs as exist which have the word "pussy" in the title. For humors sake, I wrote down a few of the artists. Included were a song by Lil Wayne, Fiddy Cent,  and I think one called Beat The Pussy Up or something. I don't even like that word. But I DEFINITELY had enough when one came on where the lyrics said "My neck, my back, lick my pussy and my crack." I almost vommed.

 Do you guys understand man number 1 any better yet? This guy is He is also rather large, and has is big beard. I could put up a picture of all of these people, but its more fun if you just picture it.

Also, the woman was talking about her husband, and was like "he's really pissed I'm coming with you guys this weekend." I was like, "Really? Why?" She goes "Nah, he'll be iight, I just drove over to him last night to give him some nookie then drove back."
You gave himmm....    


Hah. Boy, I was in for it.

Then we arrived to Oktoberfest where the real events began...

This concludes the end of Part I of the II-Part story. It was a lot already, so I will wait until tomorrow or the next day to post Oktoberfest Part II so that you are able to take the time to read it all.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

A verse for anyone struggling

"Three different times I begged the Lord to take away what I was struggling with. Each time He said 'My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.' So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. Thats why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, I am strong."    - Paul's conversation with God. 2 Corinthians 12:6-10

Its a beautiful thing to know that when we are in our deepest despair that God is closest to us and works in us best. Maybe thats why it seems we learn the most when we struggle.

"For I know I have the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, and bring you back from captivity."
-Jeremiah 29:11 

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Why I am am an accidental liar

I find out fast that I don't know much about myself.

I say I love learning new languages, combined with traveling, and experiencing new cultures; I've said it for years. I even went as far as to say these are 3 of the 5 things I love in life (the other 2 are in that column on the right side of this page). They are self-proclaimed to be the staple of my life.

It seems I am a self-proclaimed liar.

I didn't mean to.
I didn't realize all along I was lying. How disheartening, how defeating. I realized today that I in fact despise the act itself of learning a new language.
I like knowing them, but not learning. Not speaking with others to learn. Isn't that sad? A founding tenant of my travels over here, crumbled in a day. I was in a German store and realized if anyone asked me but the simplest question, I could not answer, instead I would have to point like a 4 year old to something if I wanted to get across any message in the least. But so it seems that my accidental-liarhood has brought me to the truth; it's that learning a new language is the most frustrating, defeating, embarrassing, and morally and mentally exhausting undertaking I have ever tried. Plus its embarrassing. And I know I already said that. I needed to say it again.
But you need to know your faults before you can overcome them. Now, let's get back to it:
 Now I expect myself to try German and continue to be the jack of all trades, while being a master of none?

So, what am I going to do?

First, I need to realize that, as with everything that I try, I mess up at first. Ever heard of the saying "fall 7 times, get up 8?" Well, mine number in the hundreds.

I'm not going to give up though- I never have. But its tough. I keep crawling back to God (as it should be, I believe). But its difficult to come to terms with the embarrassment of what I have discovered. It's a rather odd feeling, actually. I have more fingers on my body than times I can count when I have been embarrassed in my life. I found out why; everything in my life that I've done, it was always easy. I was almost always naturally gifted. Most of the things I am referring to are sports; from baseball, to basketball, to football - winning season after championship after end-of-season honors after captainship and everything in between- it all came easy. And it dominated my life. Winning and success and relative ease of it all. But now I have come face to face with something I struggle with, and it bothers me to my core.

I've never had to struggle to be anything better than terrible. 

Notes to self:
On top of that, it continues to be difficult not knowing where to go in life. I got super frustrated today. To the point where I needed to exhale. Then lean back. Then close my eyes. 
(And realize the only way to continue was to take one step at a time)
Then pray.
Then become angry.
Then pray.
Take another deep breath.
Let out the previous deep breath.
Repeat deep breath.
Repeat let out deep breath.
Continue to picture the scenario: myself falling out of bounds on a basketball court after trying to save a loose ball. It was the Nth number of time I had fallen down. And I picture myself slowly getting up. And I slowly get up. Getting up. Slowly. My head rises up. I'm up.
So - I try again.

I was wrong about my initial view of Sept 11

Let me tell you why I changed my view toward what I wrote on September 11:

"It was very sad not being in the United States for 9/11. I wanted to go to candle light vigils, wear my Red White and Blue, shout to the world that I love my country, and wave the stars and stripes far more than anyone would think is necessary. I am so fortunate Ill never forget my real home, my pride, and the country I would do anything for, and am so thankful that others have sacrificed so that I can be safe and feel free."

This is why:

It's a video I made entitled "9/11 Patriotism at a U.S. Army Base abroad - my view"

Sunday, September 11, 2011

I win Worlds Sexiest Man competition on cruise

I hardly know what to write. Ladies and Gentlemen - I am the new World's Sexiest Man.

 I have been professing it for years in girls' cell phones - but who knew it would ever become in official title? Lo and behold, I have fulfilled every wish Nicole Sermabeikian ever had for my life; I officially became the Worlds Sexiest Man last week:

after I won.

me with the Runner Up

The competition was on my Royal Caribbean cruise boat last week.

How I won:
I qualified with winning the contest "best Booty Shaker." There were 8 of us. Before that shakin', we had to perform a 30 second routine or so and impress the four female judges. Mine was a poor showing - I was the first and unprepared. But during the next round - Booty Shaking, my ass came alive. It bounced and jiggled the way only black girls butts can do. It was on fire. All eyes were on those two cheeks, that only if everyone had x-ray vision would they have automatically declared me winner after seeing the tattoo. Surprisingly, I only got hammered on one night - and was too busy to show it off. I rarely do - its a treat.
Anyway - by crowd cheer- I won. I dont know how I beat the italian - but I did. They gave me a towel, a nice medal, a t shirt, and a hat.
how I got Into the Finals (that sign says best booty shaker)
Me in action. I just took the advice my football coaches and lil' john always gave me: get low

Recap overall:

I "made close friends" with an italian girl (I simply had to), fell in love with a spanish girl, hung out with three Germans and a South African guy named Oros, and his twin brother MK, and danced my soul to the high heavens every night in the Dragons Lair night club where we dance battled hip hop and pop lock every night. The black girls (actually, they were old women) loved me and I loved them. I was workin' it. I came home every night btw 3 and 5, got up at 8, and explored our destinations. I learned some italian, learned a lot about myself that I will write in the notes of this post so I dont bore you, and looked out at the glorious water like a kid looks at a candy shop. No - make that ten candy shops. The sea was my Sour Patch Kids, and my eyes endlessly gobbled them up. The best part was - there was always more. My love for maritime explorations only grows.This is what I saw every night at dinner:

My two favorite places were Barcelona, Spain and Ajaccio, Corsica (the country thats an island in the middle of the Med Sea.) 
beach at Corsica. this was my view as I was alone, kicking back and reading Life of Pi (thanks priyanca)

When I first got on the ship, it was almost overwhelming - so many people to meet its almost stressing. Then I just realzied that everywhere I go Ill just do my part - and it was awesome. So many Italian speaking ppl tho, I wish there was an italian class (so I had to find an italian girl). 


I came away knowing so many people. In fact, people were so baffled that I knew how to dance this one guy was like "If there was ONE PERSON I would have picked in the entire world that I would not suspect knew how to dance, it would be you!" Him and his crew of 10 subsequently became my biggest cheering fans, shouting my name every moment they saw me on the cruise ship. Actually, black people were so baffled I could dance many of them told me "I have SO many pictures of you on my camera!!" Im not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing, but I usually take things in stride.
Thanks, Id say.

I'll leave you with a picture of my crew:

It was fun, but you dont have to go on a cruise to be happy and have fun. The point is, no matter where I go...

... I'm living life.  Are you?

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Europe:My new home; An intimate view of my life

--I would always rather take a risk than not--

What that means is that a lot of things are going to change. My status on FB the other day tells it all:
"Im gonna have to make new friends in a new place, get a new job, learn a new language, travel to new countries, and be comfortable with the idea of being uncomfortable. It'll be a fresh perspective of life - because after all, who wants to sit back and be like everybody else?"

Sounds pretty sweet, doesn't it? Well, from the outside it does sound pretty good. The fact is, when you get inside - its scary as hell. Back in the US, I would be what everyone else would call "living the life" - endless parties, so many different friends to chill w, free place to stay, girls to date, whatever. But like I said, I'm just not the kind of person that's content without seeing what else is out there in the world. It's also kind of funny that I'm starting to realize that not knowing what your future holds is pretty much a test of character, or strength, or whatever you want to call it. Who knows, maybe I'm overplaying it. I think it's just that when you go and do new things in unfamiliar territory, you go on a rollercoaster.

Its scary running blind, but I can guarantee you I'm not going to stop running.
Have you ever heard of what they call a pack of rhinos? They call it a Crash. A group of rhinos can not see very far ahead of them, but they charge ahead anyway. They aren't fearful, and they are pretty strong, too. When they commit to something, they sure don't go half speed either. Neither will I. Im not going to let my fears of not knowing whats next get in the way of living life. Here are some pictures of one of the most beautiful places I will ever go to. Neuscwanstein Castle.

Mom and I drove to Munich and we've been there for 3 days. We drove to the Castle and it was breathtaking. It wasn't real. Here is what I wrote just as I arrived and walked up the mountain to the castle:
"Im really overwhelmed being here. Everything is perfect. Even the weather. Just pretend like you are walking around and through a grand Disney castle, along hte cobblestone walkways through the forest to it, happy people all around speaking in languages Ive never even heard, and seeing the grand castle itself built with 1800's architecture perched 3,000 feet above ground on the peak of a mountain. You can see the horizon if you look around, mostly rolling hills with trees interspersed, and little villages here and there with two big lakes, so far below you. And theres a breeze. and its a little bit cool. To be honest, it adds a lot to the feel of the area when you have little kids around laughing and playing and you can see that they really do believe that they are right next to Cindarella's castle."

Inside of them was grand. Everything was original - even furniture and paintings.

View from inside the castle. This is what Ludwig II saw when he looked out his terrace that we walked out on.

Do you see me in both of the above pictures? Im there. After, we walked down the mountain for about an hour and a half along waterfalls and streams. It was beautiful.

One of the two giant lakes was pretty close to the castle once you walked down. Here we found some swans in the water. They literally walked right up to me.

Another picture from the lake.

Would you believe that later that night I felt really unhappy, unfulfilled, and stressed?
yeah... because to be honest, even thought I'm on vacation and doing amazing things. Here's what happens after you get to the top of the rollercoaster; you come down. But this time I cant see where Im going or how long it will last. It's scary. Knowing I'm living in Europe now, well - it just doesn't feel much like a home. Home is a place you come to relax, and where you know somebody. But the thing is... I dont know anybody. Its not relaxing. I dont even know how to speak to people here. Do you know how crippling it feels for someone who depends on social situations for just about their lifeblood, and to not have that? It's always where I have gotten my energy from. Yet it seems like I dont have it here in some ways. What helps me is encouragement - when I hear one of you say to me "thats so great you're going out and doing that" or "youre going to love living life there!" or better than anything else in the world - when someone else says they believe in me.

Because believe it or not, I get 100% of my motivation from outside of myself in situations Im scared or feel uncomfortable about - like what I am facing in life right now.

Im not DEPRESSED... but, you know...

Sounds crazy, doesnt it? I admit, I do love life, and get the most out of it. But its tough when everything on the outside seems like its going to be perfect - traveling; learning new languages. New place to live; new people to meet. New jobs awaiting; new opportunities for the future.
Do you know what the flip side of that is?
Being unsure of everything. Traveling but feeling kind of like youre not sure you have a real home, not knowing how to speak the local language at all. Needing to work to make new friends, applying for new positions. Overall, not knowing what will happen or when.

Im really praying to God, bc I feel lost and dont know where to go (and I prefer to share this with you because feel comfortable sharing details about my life with my friends; people I love - because I should.)
I know it'll turn around - I really do believe that, and itll probably happen very quickly - and wonder why I was ever freaking out in the first place. Hopefully you'll know what I'm talking about when you read this quote:
"Its always impossible until you accomplish it."

Moreover, I have other things looming over me. I sometimes dont even like the idea of getting older (I'm 23 now), or not knowing where Ill work or how I'll pay my loans, or who I'll marry (do I sound like a female or what?) For being such a social being, funny that my number one fear is being alone (oh, and also swimming sometimes when you cant see whats below you - damn sharks and jellyfish! but that's kind of an aside).

So, basically, when I am overwhelmed, as you will see many of my posts, I end my posts the only way I know how to end my day; I hand it over to God, because thats the only way I know that I wont fall when I start to stumble.

This was my prayer last night - God, dont leave me. I need you. Take me, guide me, and let me trust you.

It'll work out. Inshallah - God willing.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

"You can rub lotion on one of the girls" um, YES.

Oh, he said it.

I go to walk in to what I think are the front doors and a giant black man is like what are you doing? Then the 2 girls we cam to support are like "Hey Tom!" and they are wearing something like these pictures I took:

I only ever met them once, so I barely even recognized them. And they all had such sparkly bikinis and fit bodies. Nevertheless, I'd say my eyes did a respectable job. The bouncer came up and was like "sorry, but the tickets here are sold out. this is the backstage area for the girls." I was like damnit...
Then he goes "Or you can rub lotion on one of the girls and you could stay, so then youd be helping out."


The exact term he just said to me was "be a rubber for one of them" so I was a bit confused for a second. Then I realized what he meant when Delissa, one of the two girls we went to support, was like "yea, I dont have a plus one, he can be mine." in my mind all I can think of is (1) I am living the life that Harry and Lloyd never got the chance to in Dumb and Dumber, (2) This will surely fulfill more than my every dream and more than what I expected before I came, and (3).... shit... I forgot that I came with my mom. How can I leave my mom outside. I decide that she can wait a bit.

Well, turns out that it paid off to befriend Sledge (the bouncer). He was my boy, and in fact my mom had seen me enter thru the side doors, so my mom walked up, Sledge said "are u looking for your son" and directed her to me after I told sledge my story after he offered one of the girls to get rubbed down by me. But Delissa is like "my trainer can lead u guys to the audience so u can watch for free"

In my mind Im like Sooooooo... no lathering? not of her in particular, but anyone. No. My hopes had gone through the roof. How silly of me. I fell for it. Delissa was simply being nice in the beginning by saying I could be her Rubber just so that I could get in. She didnt really mean it. She didnt need me. I was betrayed. Hopes shattered. So I decided to say in a little bit of a loud but kidding voice but not really kidding "So, does anyone need someone to put any lotion on? Heh, heh, heh...." No one laughed and no one took me up on it.

So we walk in, and the competition was sweet. The girls did awesome, but we left right after. Unfortunately every woman there was married ,so I wasnt upset when my mom was like lets go.

We went into the city, got dinner together and enjoyed a huge wine festival going on, had a glass, then came home. On the way home, I decided once and for all I am staying in Europe and not coming home until december, and will probably return to europe and stay through june after a brief visit home for x-mas.

Life is coming together? What? Hm, maybe. Cool

Friday, August 26, 2011

I want a large woman

I dont know what the fuck to post about. Where I am in Germany is boring as hell compared to Amsterdam. I rode a damn bike today. And please excuse my french (because we all know everything shitty comes from the french).

See you bitches after I go to a body building competition for females tomorrow where I'm gonna try to pick up one of them up. No more attracting shemale whores for me; Ive moved up the ladder to large jacked women with more testosterone than myself - I want one.

Ill leave you with a picture of where I read a book today amidst my bike ride - sorry, I tried to make every sentence in this post have a curse word in it but couldnt think of an appropriate one for this sentence. And already my soul feels dark. Poor experiment - lesson learned.

Sincerely - Your biggest impostor asshole - Tom (see how I found another spot for one here?) wooo ok im all cursed out for the next decade. i think the F word makes me feel filthy. i should probably go pray for forgiveness for all that shit.

p.s. today I also did a lot of thinking about my future and emailing people, and calling for advice and getting some good responses. ill post about that later but Im gonna get to bed. Tonight I just needed to give you guys the important stuff first (mainly the large jacked women part).


Thursday, August 25, 2011

My next step in life: a soldier

Try to read to the bottom of this one; I tie it all together.

So you are expecting another ridiculous tale like the soon-to-be legend of the famous penis grabbing man-whore from the red light district, arent you? well, you are just selfish. Havent you ever seen wedding crashers? Not the whole movie is crashing - just parts. My last day in amsterdam was like the part when Owen Wilson found the girl he loved and went bike riding with her and playing games and such (good allusion jay). So thats exactly what I did. Except for the fact that you can simply replace a young beautiful girl Im in love with whos my age whom I am bike riding and laughing and joking with - with my mom.

I probably just lost a lot of viewers between the end of that paragraph and the beginning of this one. Well, those sandbaggin sons of bitches dont know what they are missing. Because I found out some amazing information today. Chief among them is the incredibly pertinent and utterly relevant information for all of us in life (who like to drink alcohol). I have officially found historic evidence that "icing" someone existed all the way back to the 16th century! Isnt that amazing??? Well I think so. While on our first event of the day, visiting the Rijsmuken museum in Amsterdam, I was really on my toes. First of all, I really started to appreciate art lately. Particularly the famous painters throughout history. Im a big believer that if you want to get a well rounded view in life, you have to seek out the best of what is in every field. As for art - ever since last year at the Louvre, I started to appreciate great art. So our time at the Rijsmuken was no different. Back to "icing," (if you dont know what that is, go home) I was reading up on Prince William of Orange (a famous enemy of King Lious XIV, if you remember him from your history books), it has one of his many paintings portraying various scenes from the Prince's war with France, and this one particular painting of a of celebratory nature. In fact, so celebratory, that Prince of Orange iced one of his fellow comrades. I am convinced that in that day, they did not have the resources to produce bottles for individual beers, so they filled said brew a satchel -a modern marvel in their day (see photo below).Above all, Josh kelly will appreciate this most (william of england, combined with icing, combined with satchels).

Some dude getting "Iced"in the 1600's. See above for explanation, those of who you skipped down to the pictures. 

Ok, on to other events. We then decided to ride bikes in a beautiful park. Nothing exceptional happened there. You know, just the typical stroll. But heres a picture so that you continue reading. (I assume you are all like children and I have to post pictures every so often to keep you interested. Actually wait... maybe thats usually just me. Either way, I think you will enjoy the pictures.)

the park we rode through

my beautiful mother(above) and I (below)

For all the pics in Amsterdam - see my facebook

Read this: We then went to the house of Anne Frank - where her family hid our during the Nazi occupation of the Netherlands. For two years she hid out up  in the attic, writing her diary the whole time of her life aspirations, her struggles. Her family's location was leaked by an unknown source, and since that time the world has been inspired by her life; mostly by the ironic fact that she never even got to live life. Eventually, she died at the Berger-Belsen concentration camp two weeks before it was liberated. This gave me a renewed sense of what I have. Ill get back to this later in this entry.

The next day, Dawn and I went to the most beautiful place I have been yet in The Netherlands. I thought it would be pretty lame, my mom said we were going to "see some windmills." I had no idea what this meant, and it was pouring rain, but unbeknownst to my mental well-being, it turned out to be probably the coolest part of our trip (It brought up my disparaged mental state, post male-fondling incident). Also, that was the first time Ive ever used disparaged in a sentance. Now I am really starting to feel good about myself.

So we went to this cute little town, and the pictures will speak for themselves of how awesome and relaxing this place was.

myself, atop the windmills

in the Town O' Windmills, aka Zaanse Schans

again - more of the pics of our whole trip on Facebook

In the train station before leaving, my mom said "Do you want to get some Burger King before we go home?" Clearly, we only would have eaten this if we were in a rush. I said no, but it still reminded me of the fact that I could imagine mrittika asking me this if we were vacationing, regardless of  being in a rush or no rush. Then, I started to think of those BK commercials where the BK king is running in with touchdowns. Know what im saying? Probably not, but if so, I enjoyed those commercials. I dont know the significance of mentioning that is, but it was one of those small anecdotes I had to tell you, because it made me laugh. Additionally,  it was not enough to cause me to get BK. But it almost made me get BK. But it didnt. So, we left.

What is all comes down to:

A PROFOUND DEVELOPMENT happened as we were driving home. I asked mom: "hey mom, why am I going home in a few weeks?" Her answer was "I dont know." As a result, I have decided to stay in Europe. That is, assuming a find a job. I do miss home, and I hate not speaking a lick of this damn German language that is even uglier than the women in this country (thats hard to believe), but I will have to tough it out and be a man. Ah, back to more of my startling development; this concerns more of my future. As a few of you know, my mom works for the US Army as a civilian nurse. I have to start thinking about how to pay back my loans, and she offered up the idea of going into the military. Certain branches offer not only a good paycheck, but loan repayment too. I asked her if there were any recruiters on base I could talk to, and she said certainly. If I think about it, I could serve my country, pay back my loans, save a lot of money, have excellent credentials on my resume, and get invaluable international experience. So, theres another option to consider, to add to the plethora of other ideas that I have no idea what the hell to do with.

When we got home 5 hours later...
Whenever I dont know what to do in life - I just pray. I dont know all the answers, but all I do know is that praying is the best thing I can do. I dont even know if it will give me all the answers, but I do know its better than trying to do things myself. I simply dont know where to go in life, but I do know that going on my knees is a hell of a lot better than fetching what I think will make my happy. So I pray.

I prayed to be refined.
I kind of imagine him tinkering with what makes me tick inside. Like, I am being built to go up against anything. Its true. In no other way can I be ready for whatever battles are in front of me. Its not the battles of war, nor is it the art of war that I need to be built for, but it is, in a way, that you are always on the front lines of your own war. Youre kind of like a soldier. Im reading a book right now called Armor, its about a man and his inner battle as bes getting ready for war. If you arent being built up and refined, and have someone at your back guiding you, and backup all around you, then you wont succeed.(I bet you never knew about Tom Ford the Metaphor Man). I want to be a soldier. And Im not talking about a soldier in real life - who knows about that. Im talking about the kind of soldier that you believe yourself to be, that you are refined enough to be ready for whatever life has for you. I dont know what lies ahead, or where Ill be - but I do know Ill be ready, and I do know I will get the most out of life - and appreciate it every second;  always have. its what makes me, me. I do that because I have many of the joys in life that some have never experienced, or never will get the chance to.

"I long to ride a bike, dance, whistle, and know that I am free."
Anne Frank, December 24, 1943.